Living Losses
When something important has changed, even though nobody has died
Some losses are easy to recognise. Others can leave you wondering why you're struggling as much as you are. Perhaps life has taken a direction you didn't choose, or something you hoped for is no longer possible. A relationship may still exist, but not in the way you need it to. Your health, work or circumstances may have changed what you imagined your life would look like. Or you may be grieving something you never actually had — a close relationship with a parent, a sense of belonging, the family you hoped for, or opportunities that passed you by.
You might feel sad, angry, or disappointed. Perhaps you find yourself thinking about how things should have been, comparing your life with other people's, or struggling to adjust to a reality you never expected to be yours. And because there isn't always a clear event to point to, it can be difficult to know what to do with those feelings. You may tell yourself you should be grateful for what you do have, that other people have it worse, or that you ought to have moved on by now.
But something mattered to you. Something changed, ended, didn't happen, or wasn't what you needed it to be. That can carry grief too.
When life isn't going the way you thought it would
Some living losses happen suddenly. Others unfold gradually, or only become clear when you realise that the future you'd been imagining isn't going to happen in quite the same way.
You might find yourself grieving:
the end or change of an important relationship
estrangement from family, friends or someone you love
fertility, pregnancy or the possibility of becoming a parent
changes to your health
a job, career or sense of purpose
a home, community or place where you belonged
opportunities or experiences you didn't get to have
a version of family life or relationships you had hoped for
a future you expected your life to include
Sometimes there are several losses tangled together. A relationship ending might also mean losing a home, friendships, routines and plans for the future. A change in health might affect your independence, work, relationships and how you see yourself.
Making room for what has changed
Sometimes recognising that something has been lost can help make sense of feelings that otherwise seem difficult to explain. You may need somewhere to feel sad or angry about what happened, acknowledge what you wish had been different, or talk about something other people don't seem to understand as a loss at all.
We can also make room for what is still here — what matters to you now, what you want, and how you want to move forward from here.
And if there are things you can't restore or change, therapy is about making space for what the loss means to you, while gradually finding ways to live alongside what has changed.
If you’d like to know more about how I work therapeutically with grief and loss, you can read about my approach to bereavement, grief and loss counselling here or get in touch to book a free initial consultation call.